Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

**Admin (HalcyonWandering)** Wed Jan 22, 2014 4:29 am

Well, Maya's backstory is out. That's actually a plot point that I wanted to cover in the RP proper considering she's still mostly amnesiac about it.

**NebulaGregarZX** Wed Jan 22, 2014 4:33 am

Hrm... any others come to mind? I mean, they don't HAVE to be important, they can actually just be fun little side chapters. So if we run out of exposition, we can just show the characters taking a break for once, which they didn't do nearly enough in the early story. Stuff was always going on.

Oh, I was thinking of adding a proper part to the story wherein Xeromus officially assigns the titles to the characters. Note that they haven't even been mentioned yet; that's deliberate. I figured shoving too much in at once would make it too dense, and hard to remember for anybody who just wants to enjoy the story, or is looking for details.

**khfreak358** Wed Jan 22, 2014 4:49 am

I'll try to get mine in by Thursday at the latest. Hopefully. I've got most of it thought out, it's just a matter of writing it.

**NebulaGregarZX** Wed Jan 22, 2014 4:53 am

That's a lot faster than I expected. Good, good! I already wrote up the Intermission for Rexial - I personally think it's a mite lengthy - so I guess I'll post one of those up, then the other, and in the meantime, make preparations for Topic 2. As in, get far enough ahead that I can at least start on the big showdown. I should probably reach that point before posting more story... right?

Hm... Do you guys feel like waiting? It's probably best for me to just start posting the writing a week after the Intermissions are both up, or something.

**khfreak358** Fri Jan 24, 2014 4:17 am

So, umm, I have this thing where I tend to underestimate a job I need to do. Yeah, that happened again. I'm making progress, but the intermission probably won't be ready until next week. Sorry to disappoint, I promise to get it in when I say this time.

**NebulaGregarZX** Fri Jan 24, 2014 4:28 am

It's not a problem, KH. It's not like I HAVE to update this this now or else it'll die, and even if I did, I've got the other Intermission for this section ready. Of course, I don't want it to spend too much time waiting, or else everybody involved will lose steam and it'll end up dying or just being a side project of mine that takes years to finish, updating once every two months.

So yeah, unless it turns out that it takes you a couple of months to do it, I'm fine with waiting. In fact, I should probably post up the other Intermission in the meantime. And I should get cracking on the rest of Topic 2...

**NebulaGregarZX** Thu Jan 30, 2014 4:10 am

AaaaaaaAAAAAAALright, Susan and Thananx are now introduced, in the document. As are Richard, Zethel, Aaron... oh, and Nori. See, though, I think I'm just about to hit the big battle, and it shouldn't happen so soon. I'm going to push it back the logical way: by making it actually take time to gather the Princesses.

Of course, that means I'll have to write a lot by ear, and that means filler. So, taking all suggestions! THe only real requirements are that Aaron, Dispatch, and Thananx be working together to gather the Princesses. It would be preferable for stuff like minor encounters with Org.XIII to happen, more screen time for other characters, and preferably some development for both the heroes and villains, since Org.XIII is pretty one-dimensional in the story so far. I added a bit of characterization, with Xigbar being a trolling bastard who makes Demyx do all the heavy lifting and watching him squirm, rather than shooting the heroes himself, Vexen being frantic and high-strung when things really go south, the like.

But that's not enough. I mean, our MAIN ENEMY has had very few appearances. How can they be convincing villains when we barely see them, only occasionally noting that some serious problems are their fault?

That's why I should work in a few of appearances by them. So, please, any ideas you guys could spare for me to work with would be great. I don't like the idea of having to ad-lib that much... I run the risk of compressing it just to get it out of the way so I can write the parts I know better.

Of course, I promise to do my best in the battle of the two organizations when it comes up. Still, if anybody has suggestions they'd like me to incorporate, please, don't keep it to yourself. It's easier to do this when I've got people giving me ideas to work with.

**Haar_Dragon** Thu Jan 30, 2014 4:35 am

I feel like if this were an actual game, they'd come to this giant hub room and go through a boss gauntlet, each one ending with a rescued Princess. Then again, I don't remember how this was done, so...bleh. But I'm for a boss gauntlet, since I can never seem to come up with a Heartless boss that doesn't suck. I mean, there's the Behemoth and...those reskins of the Behemoth from the Hades Cup and End of the World. And, um...um...actually, there aren't really any other Heartless I can think of that are any bit tough.

**NebulaGregarZX** Thu Jan 30, 2014 5:03 am

Hm... now how 'bout a reason? They'd probably be sent on missions to take out those Heartless before Org.XIII sends Roxin to do it, and those Heartless would gather because they were attracted by the Princesses. Still, why would they start targeting them NOW? Maybe the fact that the Princesses are suddenly being paid attention to by the plot isn't just because we all suddenly remembered how important they were when it was brought up, but because something was subconsciously driving people to seek them out. Something we never established, something that wants to manipulate the seven Key to the Kingdom into doing their 'duty'...

...I think we actually wanted to do that, since it was super-vague what went down at that point anyway. So that would explain the Heartless, Thananx, Richard and Zethel, everything.

As for the bosses themselves... uh, Parasite Cage? Darkside? Stealth Sneak? Trickster? Don't overestimate their abilities in the early story: I've toned them significantly. I even threw in a reference to the Level system, and it indicates that the characters are in their upper twenties to lower thirties at best around the time Thananx is introduced, so they're not really as broken as they were originally. They can't block a punch from a Darkside with one hand, or fire off powerful attacks like it's nothing.

We probably SHOULD include some more of the original series' boss fights. While we could try making up our own Heartless bosses, that would be trickier and kinda strange. We'd eventually be making up bosses that are basically the same as existing ones.

**Haar_Dragon** Fri Jan 31, 2014 4:17 am

Twenties to thirties...I dunno, maybe the Pot Centipede? Parasite Cage would be around there too, I guess. Darkside would be rather eh. I mean, you fight your first one at what, Level 3? Second one, probably Level 10, tops. More likely somewhere around 8, if you're like me and want to level-grind for the optional-victory boss. Stealth Sneak isn't really that strong, maybe just under Level 20, though I did consider it. Which one was the Trickster? You mean the Trickmaster, or the two that split off whose names I can't remember? Because Trickmaster would be low- to mid-teens, and that other one would be, if I remember right, early 40s.

As for a reason, what if they were captured and without their hearts? I mean, we kinda know that Nori was a crap Keyblade wielder. Would he have saved the Princesses at all? If not, they'd still be captured, and asleep. So, if someone were to free them, the Heartless would suddenly be attracted to them, right? I think we could incorporate your idea into it as well. Maybe this unseen entity tricks someone into freeing the Princesses, thereby releasing their Hearts and opening Kingdom Hearts. Hell, maybe we could use Xemnas for that.

Actually...why WAS Ansem gathering them in the first place? I mean, supposedly, they open the door to Kingdom Hearts...so why in the hell would he seal their hearts into the Dark Keyblade? I think I just borked my own brain.

**NebulaGregarZX** Fri Jan 31, 2014 5:00 am

Oh, right, I meant the Trickmaster. The one you can't remember the name of is the Crimson Prankster. I was getting annoyed that I could only remember that version's name.

Of course, the levels at which you faced those bosses in the game don't matter as much. I mean, look at the Darkside: did you forget that one of them is a part of the Final Boss rush? He has massive health and rather powerful attacks... of course, he's so big and slow that he's still incredibly easy. But power? That's different.

It's also worth noting that the characters in Org.XIV are much more combat-savvy than Sora. They're better prepared to take on these kinds of fights and come out victorious, even at levels that Sora would likely be unable to succeed at. So there's no upper or lower limit to the bosses they can fight, unless we're leaping straight for something like the World of Chaos or AnsemSoD himself.

...So, you're suggesting that Maleficent already has most of the Princesses in her custody, and has removed their hearts? Or do you mean somebody else has captured them?

Also, Ansem needed to use the Seven Princesses to finish the Keyhole and grant access to Kingdom Hearts. Though I think, in the story, we broke that by making EotW accessible without that step. Though we could say that since some of the Princesses are already captured, they've formed the incomplete Keyhole, from which massive darkness is flowing out and - thanks perhaps in part to Seth - the End of the World has emerged.

**Haar_Dragon** Fri Jan 31, 2014 5:09 am

But, if we say that the Princesses are already captured, then technically, couldn't we retcon that plothole out of existence?

I also didn't forget the final Darkside of the game, but he has a health meter of 900. That's three bars. And it's really not that strong. I figured that one was the outlier, since the other two are early-game enemies, and in Days, the first enemy Darkside is Level 6. Though there was the Dark Follower. We could use that if you wanted. I remember fighting at least one annoying one of those.

**NebulaGregarZX** Fri Jan 31, 2014 5:28 am

You mean, if we said that the Princesses had already been in Maleficent's possession, then being able to go to the End of the World would no longer be a plot hole? Because that's what I'm suggesting. Of course, I think it might need an extra push... since we can't let her be in possession of all seven from the beginning. She would have DONE something with them by now, and she clearly hasn't. ...Were you suggesting that their hearts are missing, and that's what we're going to retrieve? Ultimately sending them to Maleficent and playing into her hands, only to kick her ass and hijack her plans for our own ends?

Last I remember, that one had more like five bars. I fought him in September most recently, on the 20th. Ten days after 1.5 Remix came out. Darksides are basically meant to be a big deal, since they're the most powerful Pureblood Heartless, and thematically represent the darkness in one's heart. From a plot perspective, they're a big deal, even though in gameplay they're pathetic meat-walls. Except in CoM, where it could be a real pain to deal with, thanks to the Card Battle System.

**Haar_Dragon** Sat Feb 01, 2014 4:52 am

While I've played it more recently than that, my memory is sh*t, so I dunno, I could be wrong. I don't think I am, but I could be.

And yes, that was what I was suggesting. In KH1, the Princesses' hearts were sealed inside of the Dark Keyblade, and it was only once all seven hearts were present and unlocked that the Keyhole was accessible. If their hearts were still locked in the Keyblade, that wouldn't be possible, as far as I'm reading it. Also, I don't believe Maleficent would have Kairi, would she? Hard to say, considering she's a vital character whether Sora has a Keyblade or not...

**NebulaGregarZX** Wed Feb 05, 2014 7:18 am

I'm still reading ahead to get a feel for the upcoming events, and MY GOD IS IT PAINFUL. What the hell!? So little actually happened! A lot of smaller events kept happening at the same time, characters corridoring between them so they can be EVERYWHERE at once, and some of the characterization... I'm afraid my choices for Thananx are to either retcon EVERYTHING he ever did and remake him from scratch, or paint him as a dangerous sociopath armed with a Keyblade and a self-righteous sense of faux-heroism. He literally attacked ANYTHING that he thought wasn't on his side. ANYTHING. Including Siks, Daniel, and Xiyum. Granted, he was right to attack the latter two since Daniel was a traitor and Xiyum was kind of a total b*tch, but still.

Bah, I'm going to have SO much to fill in... I'm going to have to have at least one scene establishing just how f*cked the story is at that point. Everybody just sitting around, bored to death, since they had basically wiped out EVERY enemy they knew about. That's the reason for the Tourney, of course, and Siks shall be heralded as their savior just for putting an end to the monotonous "You guys go check this place out, see if it's interesting... you guys check around there for the twelfth time this week to make sure that it's really over... uh, you guys can just try and kill each other for all I care. *Sigh*"

...So the Tourney should be a big deal in the narrative this time, you agree? I mean, it was literally just filler so that What'sUp had time to set up the Division. But think about it from the perspective of those poor, bored-out-of-their-goddamn-minds characters. They'd be dying for anything interesting to happen.

On another note, KH, how's that story coming?

AKeybladeYouSay Wed Feb 05, 2014 2:30 pm

Yeah, it'd probably be best to make the Tourney a bigger deal. I forgot just how much it slowed down about there...

**Haar_Dragon** Wed Feb 05, 2014 7:27 pm

Regarding Thananx, I'd go for sociopath, since for one thing, I think it would be unique, interesting, and possibly very funny. It'd also be easier than remaking him from scratch, since he was pretty much a total sociopath right from the Kingdom Hearts battle onward.

As far as the Tourney, we should probably actually finish it before we make it a bigger deal. To my memory, Anxeild (or was it Daniel by then?) crashed through Erntxt and ended up putting a halt to the entire thing shortly after the first round. That would be better if it happened during the finals.

**NebulaGregarZX** Wed Feb 05, 2014 7:57 pm

Actually, I'm still looking for the point at which the tourney really ended, to see if I CAN let it be interrupted in the finals. Plus, there's Rexial to think about, considering his actions after the match. Unless he does absolutely nothing helpful to the plot that somebody else couldn't just as easily have done, he can be postponed, but I need to see the other things. For example, you remember how the Observers first showed up to watch? Well, when Kuroyuki's plot interrupted, they ended up watching her goings-on and Gunamnex even fought with her before telling her how to better use the Keyblade. I suppose if we can't put that off, we'll just have it happen at an intermission after a fight, so they have the chance to observe both events.

But the thing is, I'm pretty sure the Tourney kept going even onto TITAL. I have no freakin' CLUE where it comes to an end, and I think it ended because the combatants were both Yusei's throwaway characters that he didn't bother with anymore. Speaking of which, I may just cut out one of his characters who shows up in the tourney arc, since he doesn't really do anything but possess Sally and plan to possess Dispatch.

So, we COULD try to adapt the entire tourney into a proper, ordinary arc, perhaps with a little bit of Daniel-being-a-traitor on the side, then it's interrupted by the Heartless outbreak and everybody is put into a panic by their thought-to-be-gone-forever enemies. The tournament of course being dropped at that point.

**Haar_Dragon** Thu Feb 06, 2014 1:32 am

I like the idea of adapting it into a full-blown story arc.

And if I recall, my first post on Org XIV on this site was during the fight between Aaron and Kotank, but we didn't officially relocate here until some time after that.

Also, yes, the reason it ended was because it just kinda died out of existence, being mentioned off-hand by Rexial at some point. Aside from that, we never really bothered to continue, and that was pretty much the end of it.

**NebulaGregarZX** Thu Feb 06, 2014 2:14 am

And that means I've got a LOOOOOT of writing-from-scratch ahead of me.

Y'know, on the one hand, the more I can just ignore the writing and do whatever, probably keeping certain details in - like how Aaron and Siks were discussing a theoretical Poodle's Stomach That Never Was at Richard's place before the introduction of Thananx - the better things will look in the end, as I won't have to find ways to make the events make sense. On the other hand, the more of that I have, the more work I have to do. And since so much of the upcoming writing is just cluttered with OOC, trash, retconned events and the like, I'm going to have a LOT of writing to do.

Perhaps Topic 3 will basically just be the aftermath of the battle, the characters trying to get over their boredom, and the tourney. Topic 4 can have all of the other things like Daniel/Anxield's conspiracy. Topic 5 would contain all of the cool stuff with Yuki and Gunamnex, most likely. But there's going to be a LOT of improvising. So, uhh... to be honest, it'd be nice to have you guys write up a little but when we get to that point. Maybe.

**Haar_Dragon** Thu Feb 06, 2014 2:17 am

That should be no problem at all for me, personally.

Also, I totally forgot about TPSTNW. I rofl'd when I saw that come up again.

**Haar_Dragon** Wed Mar 05, 2014 3:55 am

Having read that last post, I've come to the conclusion: We are completely full of sh*t. All of Yusei's plots were just kinda terminated, Daxma just kinda shows up for no reason and does nothing except be suspicious, and Dispatch...is a complete dumbass with powers that shouldn't exist, period. Also, Ansem survived the Gummi ship crash, because science. I know that one at least makes sense given KH logic, what with his being a Heartless that was killed by not-a-Keyblade, but still. And why did Dispatch randomly find a warp point to the thirteenth floor of CO? WHY THE HELL WAS I SUCH AN IDIOT?!

What I will say, though, is that I liked the bit with R. R should come back, because that was pretty awesome. I question the bit with the Samurai standing down despite her clearly shifting directly in front of them, but nobody ever accused the generic Nobodies of having intelligence, so I'll let that slide. So...I can like R.

**NebulaGregarZX** Wed Mar 05, 2014 5:16 pm

If it's that clear, then I've been slacking off. Isn't my job in this to make sure that our story starts making sense? I'm sure if I look through it, we can just reconnect things to make sense. We've done it before, with the Orion fight, we can do it again. ...Unless you didn't bother checking that part. Either way, there's probably some way to make sense of it all.

As for R, her introduction was a much more abridged version of the Recompleted one. I had to add to it a bit so that it wasn't literally a two-paragraph intro that had potential for sympathy. Plus, her role is expanded a bit. I still wish I'd done more, though, since there's a lot of potential stuff that could be written, more stuff for those characters to do. But, well, Yusei wants nothing to do with his own characters, which are the ones who need the most additional writing, and while I do go above and beyond sometimes, other times I can be horribly lazy in my corrections, resulting in the plot being no better than the original.

...So, uh, suggestions on how to make sense of this, please? It may seem really stupid, but just a little writing patched in at key places can make a huge difference. I doubt it would be all that hard to make Dispatch's mistake with the Warp Point make sense, and he's kind of the type to brush things off when they don't make sense to him and there's something to kill in front of him.

**Haar_Dragon** Thu Mar 06, 2014 2:54 am

I don't think it was a problem or mistake on your part. Some things are just so screwed up, they're beyond fixing. I can't believe that I seriously wrote "And there was a random warp point right there in front of everyone's faces."

As far as Yusei's stuff goes, I'd say the only thing to be done about it is push it back and flesh it out a bit more in the filler. They captured the Bubble Beat off-camera, despite it being an important plot point, and the White Mushroom was the most plot-convenience-filled thing ever. Also, if it was sentient, as was implied, then why did Norio have to play the White Mushroom Minigame? Why wouldn't it just give him the bloody Keychain? Also, why was it at Castle Oblivion, and why was the target an ordinary, generic Heartless? And why was it captured off-camera?

Ultimately, I think the thing regarding Dispatch should have someone try to explain warp points to him. His response would naturally be "Eh, sounds complicated." And then he goes to use it. As opposed to how I wrote it, which was just "Oh, hey, shiny!" And perhaps a floor-selection, where he realizes, "I can use this to skip through the castle!" instead of him just seeming like a complete dumbass. Or perhaps cut it and just have them climb the castle like they were supposed to, though that would require substantially more effort.

For Yusei, make it happen later. And capture Lyxsal's Heartless on-camera. Perhaps a boss. And push the other stuff waaaaay back, so that we have time to actually recognize that it's happening, as compared to "Oh, hey plot point! Oh, hey resolution! Okay, bye plot point!"

**NebulaGregarZX** Thu Mar 06, 2014 3:18 am

You're right, a lot of this just needs to be stretched out and filled in. But I think it's possible to fix most of it. The only problem with making these events take longer is that I made what Rexial's doing in Castle Oblivion slightly... time-sensitive. So it may slightly skew the flow of time for him to still be doing stuff there while so much other stuff is going on.

Hm... So, make the Bubble Beat's capture an on-camera, more narrative-focused event (as well as describe the Bubble Beat, as I'm making a habit of doing with any Heartless that appears or is mentioned), possibly turning it into a boss... actually, good call, since Sally's the type to have a LOT of grief/darkness/pissy-boss-material in her heart/Heartless. Make the White Mushroom less convenient, and explain the Warp Point to Dispatch to give him a better reason to warp to the top floor.

To be fair, the Warp Point WOULD be the most interesting object in the room. It's all mysterious-looking and distinctly different from everything else in the castle. So it's easy enough for me to draw attention to it.

See? Now I just have to fix this stuff. I mean, I hope I don't have to ask for help each time I post something, but it's certainly a relief to know you guys'll catch this stuff and let me know.

EDIT: Aha! There, fixed the part about the Warp Point. ...Only to realize another problem. Rexial herded everyone onto the Thirteenth floor by DC himself to get away from the creepy drug-dealer man. And then had the narrative act as though Dispatch had been on Floor One prior to the warp, so just fixing it so that Rexial only brought them to a different floor to escape is shot. I need to fix that, too... oops.

EDIT THE 2ND: Alright, working on the Heartless-catching part. Managed to get them all into the storage room, find Lyxsal's Heartless, and have a short fight with another Heartless that broke out. Rexial dropped Norio, Zane, and the Heartless at Castle Asylum to take care of it there, and I'm going to write the battle next. I haven't updated the topic with this stuff yet, I think I'll wait until it's all been made sense of in the document first.

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