The Keys of Brotherhood

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The Keys of Brotherhood Empty The Keys of Brotherhood

Post  Whats_Up4444 on Tue Nov 06, 2012 11:21 pm

The Keyblade War. A legend, a myth, a story to tell. A cotastraphe lost within history. It was said that all worlds were connected. All worlds are linked by the one chain. Until that day. Due to the destruction of what has happened, the worlds were scattered, the chain was broken, and the powerful entity known as Kingdom Hearts was cast into a Realm of Darkness. All battled for Kingdom Hearts. Those who used darkness sought it to use it's power. Those who used light wanted to guard this power. And then they were those who just wanted to end the wars between them and soon found themselves lost within the war aswell. But these are not just simple wars. These are people lost within it. Thousands of Keyblade wielders slaughtering the lives of fellow Keyblade wielders. To achive the one goal of being the one left standing and bringing down the heart of hearts and being unstoppable.

That's where these three brothers come in. Three wielders of darkness. But, they learn something. Something that gave them an edge. If you don't fear the darkness, it won't devoir you. If you control the darkness, it won't have power over you. If you side with light, your heart is volnerable to darkness.

Elie Kokoro. The Key of the Elclipse. Between the three brothers, he was the leader as he was the oldest and most experienced. He led his team, and conquered. But, during the war, something happened within the sky. For second time ever, the the sun and moon overlaped and the eclipse was formed. But, within his Keyblade was a person. Within the Arctic Inferno led Ufroth. The man from the story that Elie's grandfather, Ukirdlo, told him about. About the man with light brown hair who gave himself to darkness and attempted to kill Ukirdlo. But Ukirdlo defeated him. Of course, this was told as a made up story, but was true. In order to survive the battle with Ufroth Ukirdlo split Ufroth's body, soul and heart, and fused the heart and soul into each Keychain. And his body was cast into darkness. But, his body found it's way through. Clear as day. Made it's way into the heartstation of a boy. Elie. And when Elie awoken the heartstation, he did so Ufroth. He guided Elie through the awakening, up to when he had to choose his path. The side of firey flames, or frozen rain. And then, he got greedy. What about both he said. Ufroth commented at how he reminded him of him. And HIS Keyblade was cast down. With his heart and soul  within the chains. Then, as Elie awoke, his light blue hair turned light brown. Which meant he would end the lives of many and lose his way in darkness. Ukirdo was pushed to end Elie's life, but right before he started, Elie's mother came rushing in and stopped it. She claimed that since he wasn't born with the hair, he won't kill many people out of lost darkness. He agreed and Elie was left alive to live. But during a time in Astral Town, when an Eclipse shine down, something happened. Ufroth broke free. His heart and soul was grasped by his body and wanted revenge. He slaughtered the town and not many were left, in front of the eyes of everyone. They were killed in cold blood. But stood out in front of them all. Elie's younger brother was pushed into the ground, and Elie under Ufroth's control grabbed a woman's skull and push her down to her knees, she looked at Elie's brother with tearful eyes, and Elie gave the final frozen end to the woman. After this kill Elie was placed back into control and was regretful with what he has done against his will. And after years, nothing happened. he stood in control. Until he join in the battle of Keyblade War, and the sun overlapped the moon, and Ufroth once again broke free. He began yet another rampage. It ending in a very similar manner. Maka pushed to the ground. Elie under Ufroth's control. A woman in Elie's palm pushed to her knees. Elie applied pressure to the woman's helmet and her broke in half. Revealing her true identity. Long light blue hair. Red pupils.  She reached out with her right hand and a birthmark was shown. The Dark Bloodline Symbol. This woman is a member of the Dark Bloodline. This woman is related to Elie, Maka and Gonah. But it didn't end with her dying. Maka got up and stopped Elie and blocking the control over him.

Maka Kokoro. The younger brother. Maka was originally given the Engulfted Angel by his grandfather. That is until the other two brother grabbed it aswell. All three was able to wield a Keyblade someday.  But Maka was able to wield his grandfather's. After he awoken the power. During this time he met a girl within his awakening. She seem out of place. She didn't like her choices. She didn't know what to do. But, this girl was seem once again in the Keyblade War. It was the woman Elie nearly killed. Maka stopped him. And the next day, the woman walked over to Maka. Asked his for his Keychain. He gave it to her, and she asked his name. Maka Kokoro. She then revealed her name. Or her true full name. Elerose. Elerose Kokoro. She then placed the Reth Orb onto her Keyblade and a powerful locked away darkness was released. After her all out attack, she took the Keyblade, and ended her own life.

Gonah Kokoro. The youngest brother. He's naive. Idoitic. And the least experenced. Nothing really set him apart. He did almost nothing....except one thing.

The battle so far has been a struggle. Elie, Maka, Gonah. The two eldest brothers have suffered the most. Both with the battles they face, and the battles within their hearts. There was not many survivors at the moment. Only the three brothers and their friend Yubyrashu. And then their were the wielders of light. The man in that white coat, along with that one who seems to be connected to him wearing somesort military garb. And lastly the tanned skinned, blue eyes, blond-haired one. No one knows how he lasted this long. Especially alone.. The battle continues.

Elie was battling that white coated one. Elie went into a slash but the coated one completely counter it. He slid around the brown-haired brother, released Elie's Keyblade from his grasp,  twisted his left arm, kicked his legs and pushed him into the ground all in one movement. That counter injured Elie's arm and legs. He couldn't stand. He turned over to see his attacker walk away. Elie's mask was engulfed in flames on one side, and frozen on the other. The ice broke off and the fire dissipated. It symbolized Elie's control over both opposites. The anger in Elie's near yellow eyes. The man just humiliated him! Elie felt the darkness within his heart grow more and more. But it's not enough. Elie grabbed the Arctic Inferno and grabbed it's handle with his right right, and the blade with his left.

As this happened, Gonah turns to see what he was doing. "Maka! Elie's hurt. What should we do?" Gonah asked him while he locked blades with the blond.

"Don't worry, Gonah, he can handle-" Maka turned to check on Elie. When he did Elie look toward to the sky amd position the Keyblade over his chest, and stabbed himself with his Keyblade. Maka was completely shocked. The last thing he expected to see was Elie stabbing himself. The blade was pierced into his chest and into the ground. Elie was slowly flowing with darkness and his very heart escaped and floated above the brown-haired brother. Darkness flowed from Elie's body and into his heart and started to form a being. Elie's body was gone and it was almost as if Elie was standing in front of his Arctic Inferno. When the dark mist started to clear, some of it could be seen. It was all black, had four spikes on it's arms, and four spikes on it's legs. It looked almost like Elie's armor was his skin. The dark mist was now gone and revealed it wasn't Elie anymore. It was a Heartless. Unlike most Heartless it had a mouth and wasn't hunched up. The Heartless stared at the Keyblade with curiousity. It moved it's hand ever so slowly to the handle and grasp onto it. It pulled it out and looked closer. It pointed the blade all the way down, turned it's body and slowly pointed the blade's tip up at the white coated man. A signature pose of Elie's. The Heartless started to opened it's large mouth and roared! The beast's mouth melted

The Heartless went into a fast sprint toward not the coated wielder, but his very own brother Maka.

Maka readied himself, but the strong Heartless grabbed the Keyblade and kicked Maka to the ground. Maka didn't stand a chance. The Heartless raised the Keyblade up high, it took hold of the Keychain with it's black claws and yanked it off breaking and the chain.

The Heartless dropped the Keyblade to the desert sand in front of Maka. The two angel wings, the deformed smaller wing, and the large elegent wing closed and were closer to the handle. As this happened the Heartless atteched the Keychain to the Arctic Imferno and a powerful darkness formed and swirled around it. The darkness bursted and the three Keychains; The Inferno Flame, The Arctic Crystal, and The Reth Orb fused into one. It was a black heart with an chrimson red X. Several spikes covered the edges. This symbol is the Heartless insignia. It changed the Keyblade aswell. It had a long blue blade, red top, and a black angel wing as a guard. It looked like a Cutless-sword in form of a Keyblade.


<Way to the Dawn without the white angel wing.>

The Heartless turned to the white coated. He almost growled then suddenly barked right at him.

 The man held his Keyblade in a Reverse-Grip, same as his friend but with the other hand.

The Heartless ran at this man same as he did to his own brother, but instead of attempting to capture the Keyblade, the Heartless attacked the man. The man blocked the strike of the Heartless. It went for another strike but was blocked again. Strike. Block. Strike. Block. Strike. Parry. The parry was by the white coated man. Strike. Again by the coated one. Strike, strike, strike. The Heartless fell to the ground. Strangely enough; it got angry and roared. The Heartless got up and went to stab the man but Maka stood up at the same time and grabbed the Heartless' arm. The Heartless it turned toward him and screamed in his face. The Heartless grasped the Keyblade tighter and went into a four hit combo and Maka took it all and fallen to the ground. With the Heartless now distracted, Yubyrashu grabbed his Keyblade known as Hollow Oath and ran toward the Heartless of his friend, Yubyrashu yelled in determination to end the Heartless. He took the Keyblade and went to stab it.

But the blade never reach it. The Heartless grabbed Yubyrashu by the throat. Yubyrashu straggled for air. He choke out a simple "Stop- please!" to his friend. No air. No breath. No nothing. He couldn't breathe.

He let go his Keyblade to try to force the hands around his neck to release. But no avail. The Heartless took the Keyblade and stabbed Yubyrashu into his torso. His face turned pale white. His face was frozen and unmoving. A light started to form around Yubyrashu's body and it vaporated and Yubyrashu degraded into an abondounce of balls of light and decended into the sky above. 

"Yubyrashu!", Maka yelled. He tried to get up but fell back to the ground holding his chest in pain.

Gonah, the light-blue haired youngest brother was frightened. "Elie. What happened to you?!" He yelled in shock.

The Heartless finally took notice of Gonah and walked toward him. As it got closer Gonah backed up. Closer. Backer. Gonah ended up tripping and fell to the ground. The Heartless went closer to Gonah.

"Elie... It's me...Gonah" Gonah said in a effort for him to realized who he was.  

The Heartless stopped and looked closer at Gonah. It's face seem worried now. He's rememvering! Then the Heartless screams in Gonah face, raised The Keyblade, and was stabbed by Maka through it's  back out to it's chest. The Heartless fell to the left of Gonah. Maka helped up his brother and his asked one thing:

"What has become of our Brother...?" Gonah was ready to burst out in tears. His heart felt weak and broken.

Maka replies not as sad nut enraged "He stopped being our brother the moment he went against Grandfather's teachings!" he was ashamed of his so called brother. 

One wielder speaks. "I'm aware you are grieving. But today this war ends. It's only going to get harder from here...."

Maka sighed. "Yes. Today Kingdom Hearts shall open itself to Darkness!" Maka says with a powerful and confident voice. A differnt Light Welider speaks. "The Light shall pierce the Darkness into an Eternal Sleep!" the one in the White Coat says "let it go, Roland" to calm his friend as it seemed to be. the hyped up Maka yells. "Everyone stay out of this! This is between me and this Welider blinded by the Light!"

Maka raised up Engulfed Angel and attacks. Gonah is frighted, unable to help. As he is Young, and unskilled. After the battle, unfortunately...Maka is killed. Maka's dead body is fallen next to what is left of Elie. Gonah runs to them; takes off his helmet and falls to his knees.  His tears fall at the feet of his fallen brothers. He began to cry. His brother's are gone. He's alone. And scared. He sucked it all his feelings. He wiped his eyes and began to speak to the light wielders. 

He turned his head to the right. His hair covering his face. "Y'know..." He looked down for a moment and look to the right again.  "I was brought to live by three rules. One: Never let the darkness eat away your Heart..." as he said that he picks up the Keyblade that belonged to the Heartless. "Two: Kill Cold-Blooded Heartless..." as he said that he picks up Storm of Sorrows. His Keyblade. "Three: Avange the deaths of The Dark Bloodline..." Gonah then picks up Engulfed Angel with the same hand as he did with the Heartless' Keyblade and holds them Dual-sided. He then looked down to his brothers. "Today this ends" He said under his breath. Gonah stood up. "You killed my Brothers!" Gonah yelled. He was now angry. Gonah screams. Lighting strikes all around him. "This will be the end of the Light! I'll unlock Kingdom Hearts now with nothing in the way of risking my Brothers lives!" Gonah then attacks all the Light Keyblade Weilders at once with Strom of Sorrows, Engulfed Angel, and The Heartless'. . 

"i must end this!" He yells at the ones who caused the torture he has to feel.. He attacks them both at once. He's in the middle, and the coated one on the Left, and right side the military garb one. Gonah Fighting both at the same time. Then after a fury of attacks of all three battlers, Gonah releases a bursts of electrical energy.) it throws both Light Wielders In both diractions. The miltary garb one couldn't even breathe. He comes back, still a little winded. Gonah stands above him. Gonah yells "This is for my Brothers!" a single tear drop fell at the last word of the sentence.

When suddenly, The white coated Keyblader runs at Gonah and attacks. The two battle out. Just when it seem Gonah was going to kill Him and avange his brothers' death, The coated man created a portal behind Gonah, and one behind himself. He threw the Keyblade into it. Gonah falls to the ground. He has been defeated. The white coated man looks upon him before he says to the only suvivor left "Roland, help me take this Wielder to his brothers" The coated wielder carries Gonah, and Roland, as it seems that is the man's name, takes The Three Keyblades. He takes Gonah between his two brother.  The flow of time seems to slow down with the Coat man walking back to Roland In slow-motion. Gonah looks to his right. "Hey, Maka, sorry I couldn't unlock Kingdom Hearts...but...I think you're wrong. Our brother may have went against our teaching, but he will always be our Brother. That's the only real truth in life" 

"Yes, you're right. I was foolish for saying such nonsense...I just hope our Brother Elie would forgive me in the Afterlife" 

Suddenly a unfamiler voice was heard. "G...Gonah...Ma...Maka" the two turn to see the Heartless was the one who said it. 

"Elie, you remember us?" Gonah asks. The Heartless nodded with a yes. Gonah smirks. Then with their final moments, Gonah says "We may have not unlock Kingdom Hearts, we may have not obeyed our rules of life. but we will always be brothers. We have left our mark. And you said it yourself, Elie. "Only brother can have a type of bond that can start from birth" Gonah raised his Storm of Sorrows, Maka does the same with Engulfed Angel, forming two-thirds of the Dark Bloodlind Symbol. Then the Heartless took it's Keyblade and completes the Symbol. Then in Spirit, Elie changes places with the Heartless  So did Keyblade turning into Arctic Inferno. He had a bright aura to him. Elie's brown hair then grows a single strain of light blue. 

All three Brothers said one final thing before leaving the world of the living.

"Brothers...to the end!" 

They all put their Keyblades down, The world goes back to the normal, then Gonah closes his eyes. As does Maka. The Heartless closed his eyes and disappered darkness.

The End...
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The Keys of Brotherhood Empty Re: The Keys of Brotherhood

Post  Whats_Up4444 on Sun Nov 11, 2012 10:24 am

I want thoughts for my final draft. >_>

Plus not many users have read this.
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The Keys of Brotherhood Empty Re: The Keys of Brotherhood

Post  NebulaGregarZX on Sun Nov 11, 2012 7:28 pm

...I read it.

Well, I think it needs some correction in places. A lot of small errors, all over the place, actually. Grammar, spelling, unclear phrasing... And it needs to be broken up a bit more. Too many large paragraphs makes it a little tougher to read.

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The Keys of Brotherhood Empty Re: The Keys of Brotherhood

Post  Whats_Up4444 on Sun Nov 11, 2012 10:09 pm

NebulaGregarZX wrote:...I read it.

Well, I think it needs some correction in places. A lot of small errors, all over the place, actually. Grammar, spelling, unclear phrasing... And it needs to be broken up a bit more. Too many large paragraphs makes it a little tougher to read.

Examples?

And yeah the large paragraphs were a thing I thought would be better. Because the more paragraphs make the actual post bigger and wider.
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Post  Maverick Entity on Mon Nov 12, 2012 12:59 am

Other than Gunamnex not being a reverse wielder, an intriguing change from the original.

Almost makes me want to have Roland recount all the friends from the pictures that lay within the Broken Keyhole.
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The Keys of Brotherhood Empty Re: The Keys of Brotherhood

Post  NebulaGregarZX on Mon Nov 12, 2012 2:46 am

Here's an example from a later paragraph:

When suddenly, The white coated Keyblader runs at Gonah and attacks. The two battle out. Just when it seem Gonah was going to kill Him and avange his brothers' death, The coated man created a portal behind Gonah, and one behind himself. He threw the Keyblade into it. Gonah falls to the ground. He has been defeated.

Changing tense, missing words, and a spelling error. This is how I would correct it, without altering the actual writing.

When suddenly, the white coated Keyblader ran at Gonah and attacked. The two battled it out. Just when it seemed Gonah was going to kill him and avenge his brothers' deaths, the coated man created a portal behind Gonah, and one behind himself. He threw the Keyblade into it. Gonah fell to the ground. He had been defeated.

And this is how I would've corrected it if I were allowed to alter it beyond minor corrections:

Suddenly, the white-coated Keyblade Wielder ran at Gonah and attacked, and the two fought it out. Just when it seemed like Gonah was about to kill him and avenge his brothers' deaths, the coated man created a portal behind Gonah, and one behind himself, throwing the Keyblade into it. Gonah fell to the ground, defeated.

And, finally, how I would've written it:

Without any warning, the white-coated wielder of the Keyblade made a dash for Gonah and struck out with his weapon, and the two became locked in a deadly battle, fighting it out, feral darkness against arrogant light. It was a fight that would have been remembered throughout all of history, had the knowledge of the Great Keyblade War not been lost to the ages, only kept by a select few.

Just as it appeared that Gonah had gotten the upper hand, and was about to deal the killing blow and avenge the deaths of his brothers, he swung his keyblade down with the intention of bringing his foe's life to an abrupt end.

However, the man was able to catch the blade with his hand, throwing his own weapon behind himself. The keyblade disappeared in mid-air, reappearing behind Gonah, striking true.

He fell the to ground, defeated by the man in the white coat.



Just because I'm a conceited bastard.

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TITAL Characters: Aleri, Rexial, Kiel, Sukiru, Aleri@Future(Aleri's ghost from the future) Leon(FFII, not KH), Seta Souji(P4 Protagonist), LaKuRo.
Org.XIV Characters: Aleri, Rexial, Xeromus, Adachi, Uchikina, Vita.
Planned Characters for DB Story: Redemi, Nobis, Matsuda.
To Be Introduced: Stice, Some jackass ghost, Rekoka, Raidou. Also some villains.

"Go forth, and set the world on fire!"
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